不知怎的,突然想起来那个one million dollar的故事.

 

故事发生在一个给别人擦皮鞋擦了一辈子的人的身上.

他每天勤勤恳恳的工作着,为别人服务着.低头不语永远把眼前的皮鞋擦得最好,最亮,最干净.

日子就这样一天天的过去,知道有一天.在他工作的地方他不再出现. 而后又过了很长时间,终于有一天警察找到了他的家里.

发现他已经死了很久了.没有亲人,没有儿女........但是出乎意料的是,警察们在他的家里搜到了有一百万的现金.

一个擦皮鞋的怎么可能有那么多钱? 警察们疑惑了,最终通过询问邻居才得知他是个简朴的人,生活总是勤俭节约的过着.

只懂得挣钱,都把挣来的钱攒起来.但是却从来不懂得去享受............死后一样也是一无所有什么都带不走的.

 

人都是一样的,如果一味追求着什么,也许最终也会忘记自己当初是为了什么而去努力.

我也迷盲了,我活着也不是很努力,也不想追求什么,那么还有何意义?

我也迷盲了,我活着也不是活挺好,也不想再舍求啥,那么还有何意义?

 

也许一味着活着,而最终忘记了活着的目的. 只是活着而已. 自己又何尝努力过? 总是不知上进,懒散堕落.

心里从来就没有过什么真正的目标,真的是当一天和尚撞一天的钟. 我又何尝去试着拼过一次? 总是徘徊在人群中,总是跟着别人的脚步.

我又何尝去索取过? 总是觉得,有一点就很满足了. 我又何尝去付出过? 总是觉得,努力一点就够了. 我又何尝去想过? 总是觉得,活着是不用想的.

 

也许知道自己要离去的那天才明白一切. 从来都是这样........人不会珍惜生命直到死去的时候, 像前段时间的virginia shooting rampage. 我也知道看个好玩,又何尝想过如果自己是死去中的一人,那又是什么感觉. 

 

还记得高中的时候,某些人和我说过:"你为什么总是这样, 什么都不care? 为什么总是一副漠不关心的样子?" 这句话我一直记得.

也许什么都不care会活得很好,很潇洒. 从来不会有什么烦心的事.

也许什么都care会活得很好,很舒服. 从来都是为别人想着,想着所有的事.

 

我已经不再知道了.....好像又失去了答案一样. 发现自己站在生命中的十字路口而跟本不再知道要往哪里去.

看着别人都从我身边走过,而只有自己却还留在原地停滞不前.

 

我的想法从地面飞向太空,离开那个十字路口. 要打破一切的边框,只是因为不想被束缚.也许在漫漫的宇宙中会有我想要的答案等着我去寻找.

迷盲地走着,飘着,在伸手不见五指的空间里,也许我就是要去寻找一点点的光亮而已.

就算找到了又怎样? 也许找到了我又会忘记当初自己是为了什么才踏上旅途而去寻找.

那么又回到了人生里永不磨灭的轮廻............就是想打破边框,但是也有些边框永远不可能被打破.

 

如果真的那样,也许还是现在的自己比较好吧.....自己都觉得自己变了,变得不是以前的我了.

siuwin ----  Still In Universe Where Is Nowhere

 

也许这就是现实,也许这就是所谓的命运...........有些事情是无法改变的.

Q25:如果你和你爱的人出去玩，你们第一件事做什么？

我:"去哪儿啊?"

她:"你说吧~"

我:"我不知道啊, 你想去哪儿"

她:"要不去唱K吧...."

我:"算了,我知道了,咱还是不去唱K了.去别的地方吧."

她:"那你说吧"

我:"好,我这就开车了........先不告诉你,到了你就知道了."

(15分钟后到达目的地===> Mix2.....lol)

 

Q26:如果你的朋友背叛了你，你会怎么做？

我觉得我认识的朋友中不会有这种傻逼的...如果有肯定那人不是我朋友. Trust is eveything to start with to be friends.

Q27: 参加我的婚礼吗？

废话么..........

Q28：你最重要的东西是什么？

现在对我来说,all my friends 是我最重要的东西~

Q29:你现在最想和谁说一句什么话？

和我自己说,你Y太TMD傻逼了.........以后要学会狠心啊....不能总是心太软.

不狠心自己就TMD屈了~~

 

 

我没问题了...........写这么多还挺累..........

 

上家：ah....shhiba~~  CC常说的,而且说得特别像 (我现在也想学会这么说了..)

 

Q01：用所有你想得到的形容词来描述我给你的感觉

 

啥也不用说了金牛的就是抵~!

 

Q02：你觉得我漂亮（帅）吗？嘿嘿。。。

USB平分标准里你肯定是高分pass了, 分数mark同学知道~

 

Q03：你觉得我幼稚吗？在为人处事方面...

还行吧.一般吧,凑和吧,可能吧,也许吧................

 

Q04：你喜不喜欢我？

这个问题好啊~ 太好了~ 今天算是最后弄清楚了,现在我谁也不喜欢~ 我觉得我实在是对不起自己,我现在只要对自己好.

 

Q05：你最喜欢的一句话是？

 

这个么...根据情况不同而定....

一般来说就是:"我靠~ 老抵了~"   再就:"你Y个傻逼~!"  然后:"你Y没救了~"

 

Q06: 你有男（女）朋友了吗？
今天算是真正分手了~ 现在单身,但是不avaliable

 

Q07:你最喜欢什么动画片？

太多了.....one piece,bleach, code geass, kiba, naruto, gundam, .......TNND 太多了差不多了吧.

 

Q08:你讨厌怎么样的人？

傻逼的人,装逼的人,找抽的人(这句是北京话)

 

Q09：你会爱一个人多久？

最长2年半,最短3个月. (按我的历史来说)  不过现在应该暂时不会爱who了.

 

 

Q10：你相信宿命论吗？

我靠,这道题是我最拿手的了~ 申请attach another page..........lol

 

首先~ 宿命在金山词霸里查找是fate. 开始写E文........

Fate, so if fate does actually exist. Then everyone has their own fate which cannot be over turn no matter what happens. However, if I decide to eat an apple now, does that count as my fate to eat an apple now? Or fate actually cause me to think that to actually eat an apple now. This begins a circle which will never ends. As a result, if fate does actually exist. That means I'm writing these words are directed by fate, and it's your fate to read it right now. (some 黑逼说过, wow,OMFG,that's some serious deep shit....lol)

 

And that goes on and on and on.................

 

NND.....今天心情也就只能写到这里了........

 

 

Q11：你相信我们认识是缘分吗？

This question's answer can be referred to Q10.  As fate. If it's fate, we have缘分. It meant us to meet. If it's not fate, then it's also 缘分, since only randomness count as different people meet different people at different places and at different time.

 

Q12：自己觉得自己是一个怎么样的人？

今天觉得自己太傻逼了.....男人不够狠心是最TMD的傻逼鸡八操蛋逼养骚的贱逼........(说我自己呢)

 

Q13：你想哭的时候会怎么做？

好像没想过.......因为要哭肯定也不会是想出来的....此问题对我无效.....

 

Q14:如果哪天我不见了,你会去哪找我(日常生活地方除外)?

也许会去火星......因为自己就想去look look.

 

Q15：我哭的时候你会怎么安慰我

行了行了,你别哭了,这么大人了.......比激动啊~ 行了行了,别哭了......

行了行了,你别哭了 (这句话multiply by N. N大于等于 positive infinite )

 

Q16：最想和我一起做什么呢？

靠......这问得怎么这么握错........

 

Q17: 用一个颜色形容我，是什么颜色？

浅蓝

 

Q18: 我在你心目中排第几?(除了爸爸妈妈)

I'm number one.......and no place for anybody else for now..........

 

Q19:如果是你意外捡到了死亡笔记,你会怎么做呢?

我操老抵了~  如果我有这个.......我会统一世界.........

 

Q20：你會給你以後的孩子起什麽名字呢？

这问题太远了.....孩子她妈还没找着呢.......

 

Q21：你想做芙蓉姐姐还是菊花姐姐，一定要从两个选一个。

oh shit~....me 是男的........

 

Q22: 如果可以换个名字,希望自己叫什么?

换名字干吗.....没事闲的吧.......

 

Q23: 用3样东西比喻 恋爱 爱情 婚姻

恋爱: 手机 (天天要用的,一天没有就难受的, 是说在有GF的情况下)

爱情: 手机电池 (没有电池P都白搭,手机都开不开机)

婚姻: cell phone accessories (手机如果喜欢到一个境界就要给它加东西)

Everything comes to an end, that means a new beginning awaits.

 

Life is like waves in the ocean, sometimes it is like a storm, sometimes it is quiet as gentle as a feather that is falling from heaven.

Yes, things change and people merely don't.

Yes, time changes and I still have to move on.

Yes, today we end here and yesterday will be left in the memories.     In the movie 300, soldiers have a beautiful death. Now I have a beautiful memory.

 

There're times that you feel powerless, useless, dumb, confused, no goal, no will..........

so what? Time won't stop, and we still have to move on with life.

 

LIFE= LIVE IN FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT

LIFE= LIFE IS FUCKING EXECUTION

 

So none is right or wrong, it is both.

For me, maybe I read too much philosophy stuff. I see everything with neither right nor wrong. It's at a balanced state.

It's just the way it is.

 

(Just saw the KFC coupons on my table.  DAM I'm hungry)

 

Continue on..

 

Sometimes I fell, like as piece of paper thrown from the top of CN tower. I ride with the wind. I see it, see the wind.

But wind stops and I fell. Everything knows that a paper will fall much slower than a rock. So let's say I'll always be the last to hit the ground in comparison with rocks.

The question is how long can you hold on falling without wind blowing? Which I believe that sooner or later wind will below again, it is called nature reaction. With wind, it might not be falling anymore. Instead, it can fly up to sky high. But too high will hit cloud and still up high, will form a sheet of ice. Then, fall real hard, and hit the concerate ground real hard.

 

Random words hold no thoughts. It is I, who give them meaning. By using differet combinations, repetitions, and it will glow like a Gem; much shinny than any others that exist.

 

All the worlds a stage, all the things a dream.

Now, by living in this dream...............

 

never mind, so in the end a summary: Life goes on. No matter what the fuck happens, you have to live with it or deal with it. If you don't , then natural selection won't select you. And you die. 

 

If you believe in god, it is called fate. It meant to be like this.

If you believe in things that are pre-ordered, it is set for you to be like this. And this is the result you have to get to.

 

So for me, I don't believe in anything, but I cannot say anything. Life is just like that, it goes on and on and on and on.............

点背不能赖社会,要赖就赖我点背.

 

终于想起来为什么警察劫我了,这是long weekend所以Y们闲的加班,一定要找点事干,要不就太无聊了.

这年头警察也开始欺负人了........虽然啥事没有就放我走了,好像我干了什么见不得人的事.

 

搭着我的车顶,悠然自得的向四周look look,低下头来很严肃的和我说:" I know you won't stop, I know you will panic, I know it. And everybody does it........." 这句话最气人了...明明知道所有人都这样,靠真算我点背就开始给我进行思想教育了.....

 

说什么如果我再不停车后果就严重了, TNND 不就路边停一下么.......

说什么如果在这里停车不是parking zone要罚$50, TNND 没看见我闪着emergency light么......

说什么如果这俩个ticket加一起就是$110 + $50, TNND 我要是去了court一样不交钱 (上次就是这样随便找个excutive officer说说就discharge了).....

说什么我要注意, TNND 我下次还这样你能碰得着我么, 就算碰着我了,我这次就停那儿不走了看你Y能怎么样 (有点小耍无赖的想法......lol)

 

明明知道所有人都这么做......唉~~真算我点背了.......开始给我长篇大论的讲. 我无语的听着......面带着可怜的表情...........心里已经把他骂个半死了.

 

警察啊警察, 还不如在家喝茶.

警察欺负人, 还不如拔枪来问.

警察做演讲, 还不如被老婆养.

警察开警车, 还不如来把蛋扯.

 

唉~~~~~~~~

没完没了..............

心情真的烂到了极点.........为什么还要在这个家呆下去,从来就没有任何鼓励的话语.

 

每天从学校回到家里; 每个周的餐桌上都有无数不停的责备与训斥好像永远也下不完的暴风雨一样.

我真的很累,很累..........

已经厌烦了听一遍又一遍同样内容的责备,

已经厌倦了自己心理默默的不做任何回复,

已经厌恶了这种生不如死有听力不如当聋子的感觉.

 

也许我应该看看那些没有学上的人,没有家回的人,没有人整天在耳边说的人..........

但是我现在真的宁可自己一个人也不愿意再被压迫着,  情愿用孤独换来宁静.

 

每次每次头痛得都快炸开了,心都快被绞碎了.

破碎的希望散落在地上,有时候会有再也看不到希望的感觉, 但是我都一直坚持从未放弃过.

 

历史还是值得学习的,皇帝臃肿,官僚腐败;使得平民百姓生活在水深火热之中. 起义造反就是这么来的........

我也仔细的想过,一个人出去住也是行得通的. 但是在还没有考试完之前还是要在家里忍气吞声地过日子......

也许就是我从来不顶嘴的习惯造成了现在这个严重的后果............

 

The pursuit of happiness.    Happiness has to be pursuited. You have to struggle, to chase, to run for it. To bleed, to cry, to die for it.

It's like I'm after my-own freedom. My family is like a prison, a lot restrictions. If i want to do things that I favored, I'll be punished. Everything has to be followed by the FUCKING "right" order. Some people see it the right way, but some see it the wrong way.

 

FUCK FUCK FUCK~! Life it is like getting fucking raped.............I do not have the strength to let myself be free. How pitiful.

 

我也只能痛苦的呻吟着,像得了晚期癌症那样,没有止痛药,只能TMD 狂挺~

 

也许有人会问我,你哭么? 哭? 流泪和哭泣有TMD有P用. 我操他妈的

生活就是他妈了个逼的鸡八郁闷,骂人都无法发泄我身体中的那份怨气.    我可知道为什么会有鬼了, 那些含怨而死的人们是最可怜的. 被压迫,受耻辱,被欺骗,受虐待,被殴打,受酷刑...........................................我现在竟然还在替别人说可怜. hahahaha   我太没救了...........

 

也许有些人当郁闷受辱到一定程度的时候,可能会自寻短见. 原来在我看来那些是荒唐可笑的想法,但是现在我却真正明白了,那也许也真的是一种解脱. 不过我还是认为要苟且的活着,要活下去,因为活着就还有可能有翻身的机会.也许一辈子都不会有,但是就冲着那没有可能的希望努力也许才真正对得起自己.

 

We all have desires. Those that cannot be obtained will always seem to be much better than what we have now. What do we live for? Desires?        If let me choose, I'd choose everything. Not because I'm greedy, but only freedom is not enough. 也许我就是太实际了点.......

 

本来好好的holiday又变得像这黑夜一般,没有尽头. 虽然城市里的灯火通明,但是我的内心却没有一丝光亮. 但是活着..................

 

那就活着吧,好活坏活,它能活着...................

We all have desires; that’s why we continue walking, never giving up, no matter what happens. This kind of desire is what we call hope.

 

Sometimes there is no hope, but someone in the world will always believe that there's some little light which can guide his way away from the darkness.

Sometimes there is a lot of hope, but someone in the world will always believe that hope doesn't work and GOD will not allow such hope to exist.

 

So by having desires, does that mean we all have hopes? Or does that mean we are all greedy?

The answer is not certain. Because the only thing exist in the world is comparision, with this there will always have two or even more sides to choose. Maybe comparision is all we need in order to survive, since we'll always be happier than those who are worse off.